West Siiiiiiiide WND

This Wednesday marks the birthday of the original co-founder of WND . . .
The honorable Michael Cameron Lingle.

Come pay tribute to a great man who read Shogun at the age of 11, won a gold medal in the '80s (for singing in madrigals) (with me) and whose dazzling work in our high school band, "Shalom," was showcased brilliantly both at the senior talent show where we kicked some serious ass, and at the famed Battle of the Bands where we made mincemeat of "Ballistix," a 14-year old mullet-wearing duo. They tanked. We rocked. We rocked so hard.
You can learn more by tuning in to VH-1's special 'Behind The Music' about us. I think there'll be a reunion once we all get out of rehab.

Happy birthday, Iron Mike.

Join Jay and me this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Viceroy

1819 Ocean Ave
Santa Monica, CA 90401
Cross Street: Pico

p.s. I don't want to hear any complaining from you hollywood-ers, los feliz-ites or silver lake-oroons. I schlepped all the way from New York to be here -- the least you can do is familiarize yourself with the 10 and have a drink with us.

WND to the nth power

If there's anything that my 19 years on the planet have taught me it's that math is quite something. Agree or disagree? How have prime numbers impacted your life? What about the surface area of a cube? Why do circles act so holier-than-thou around hexagons? Do you secretly admire them for it? (Be honest.) If you're an x-axis personality, have you noticed how much you dislike y-axis people at first sight? And if you're a y-axis person, why are you so annoying?

Come discuss your findings with Jay and me this Wednesday after 8:30 at the last drinks before Thanksgiving:

Tiki Ti

4427 W Sunset Blvd

Los Angeles, CA 90027

Cross Street: Virgil

Jeremy

xyxy

WND (fly, eagles, fly)

It is with a heavy heart that I announce my decision to turn down the Philadelphia Eagles' impassioned plea to replace their banished wide receiver whose name I shall not utter. As a rabid, nay RABBid Eagles fan, I am pained by recent events, and honestly considered rejoining the squad. However, I took a vow after setting the single-season touchdown record (250) that this 6'4", 215 pound chiseled specimen (give or take 100 pounds) would hang 'em up for good. My word is my bond... as is my bond.

Join Jay and me this Wednesday after 8:30 pm at:

Crescent Hotel

403 N Crescent Dr

Beverly Hills, CA 90210

Cross Street: Santa Monica

WND never gets old

I never thought it would happen, but the day has finally come: a new champion has been crowned. The most common thing said to me over the span of my lifetime is no longer, "Did you get taller since the last time I saw you?" The record books won't soon forget the classic line, but everything must come to an end, the mantle must be passed. And so I ask you to now to put your hands together for the new kid in town... (sound the trumpet)... (sound the cymbals)...

"Hey Jeremy: you're not a doctor, but you play one on TV!"

BAM! It's quite something. Who knew a commercial from the '80s would have a longer shelf-life than a Twinkie? I don't imagine it will last as long as its predecessor, but that's what they said about John Tyler's presidency, didn't they?

Join Jay and the guy who plays a blah bah blah this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Daddy's Lounge

1610 N Vine St

Los Angeles, CA 90028

Cross Street: Selma

The Chosen WND

It doesn't matter whether you spent this past week praying or playing, fasting or just taking it slow. Firm and atoned bodies all need a nice drink.

Join Jay and me this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Ye Coach & Horses

7617 Sunset Blvd

Hollywood, CA 90046

Cross Street: Curson

El Carmen

8138 W 3rd St

Los Angeles, CA 90048

Cross Street: La Jolla

El WND

It just dawned on me that “El DeBarge” translates to "The Of Boat." I thought it was a gesture going the extra yard to show affection for TV’s "The Love Boat," but it turns out that wasn’t his intention. The guy’s real name is Eldra DeBarge. He's the brother of Bunny, Randy, Mark, James and Chico. Apparently, a whole slew of OfBoats beat it to the rhythm of the night.

In honor of that vital piece of data, join us for drinks this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

The Snake Pit

7529 Melrose Ave
Los Angeles CA 90046

Cross Street: Sierra Bonita

Edendale

2838 Rowena Ave

Los Angeles, CA 90039

Cross Street: Auburn

The Belmont

747 N La Cienega Blvd

Los Angeles, CA 90069

Cross Street: Waring

Amamus WND

When Virgil penned his famous words, "Omnia vincit amor," he never intended for "Love conquers all" to hold any positive, life-affirming meaning whatsoever. It's not about the power of love overcoming all obstacles; rather, love destroys, literally conquers everything in its path like a tank rolling over brush, ultimately leaving those who embrace it defeated and broken. Pretty remarkable misunderstanding by the general public, don't you think? Why is this relevant? It isn't. I'm just trying to distract you from the following news:

Due to forces beyond your control, this Wednesday will be our last drinks... for three weeks.

I figured a random, mildly thought-provoking idea might confuse you enough to forget about asking us why we're off for nearly a month. I almost picked this quote from Kango of UTFO: "I don't bet in no casino, and baby while you knizzow the izzi is the grizzeat Kizzangizzo." But all those zzzz's made me sleepy, so I decided instead to go with V to the izzy Irgil to the izzay.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Beechwood

822 Washington Blvd
Venice, CA 90292

Cross Street: Abbott Kinney

WND.com? We can do better.

We're currently working on a wnd website so you'll always have a place to check if your email account explodes or something. Right now, I'm in the middle of battling various domain owners for their websites:

"www.bigjugs.org"
"www.cheapmufflers.net"
"www.iowa.gov"
"www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/07/25/people.aniston.ap/index.html"
"www.stanford.edu"
"www.njyp.com/hogmen.htm"
"www.134678.222.2.23.com/html/dns/~74111"
"www.jayandjeremyaresodamncool.edu"

I'll let you know how the negotiations pan out. In the meantime, join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Boardner’s

1652 N Cherokee Ave
Hollywood, CA 90029

Cross Street: Hollywood

WND the king

In honor of E. Aaron Presley, you are encouraged to join us for wnd this week dressed as any of your favorite Elvises (or Elvisim, for those in the know). Here are some suggestions:

Elvis Costello
Elvis "I'd Like to Buy a Vowel" Grbac
Elvis "Can't Get Enough of Those Morning Zoo DJs" Duran
Elvin Tibideaux (Sondra's husband from "The Cosby Show")
Elvira
mELVIn van peebleS
and of course the king himself... El Debarge. (a.k.a. "The Of Boat")

Join us this Wednesday after 9:00 at:

Monroe’s Bar

8623 Melrose Ave
West Hollywood, CA 90069

Cross Street: Huntley

Jeremy (née Elvis)

The Well

6225 W Sunset Blvd

Los Angeles, CA 90028

Cross Street: Vine

Type of WND

For drinks this week, we shall be celebrating the satisfaction that can only come from true self-knowledge. The inspiration comes from a workshop I attended entitled, "Type Me." No, I didn't learn how to operate a bossy, interactive typewriter. Instead, a group of strangers watched me introduce myself, and based on that riveting event, selected words to describe my first impression. Needless to say, It was quite educational.

The expected responses ("Off-beat," "Character-y," "Edgy," "Mischievous") were off-set by descriptions that, well, differed slightly from my own self-image ("Outdoorsman," "Gigolo," Religion Nut"). Well, who am I to argue? I hereby shed my self-deluded ways and embrace the new me.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Dresden

where me and my blue-haired sugar-mommies will shoot some whitetail in the name of the Holy Father, you godless heathens.

1760 N Vermont Ave
Los Feliz, CA 90027
Cross Street: Kingswell

Go West, WND

It's time to come out west... where it's the best. For those 323'ers, 818'ers, 609'ers and beyond: if you're serious about getting that complimentary, super-keen, day-glo spandex unitard from us reading: "I'm a serious regular at WND" you're going to have to demonstrate your travel-ability.

Join Jay and me this Wednesday after 8:00 at:

Chez Jay

1657 Ocean Ave
Santa Monica, CA 90401
Cross Street: Seaside Terrace

Jeremy
p.s. The unitard fits like a dream.

WND to the izzay

"Drop the bass, yo"
n-ts-n-ts-n-ts-n-ts
"Said I'm J to the izzay, R to the izzo" n-ts-n-ts-n-ts-n-ts
(Let's see... what else... mentioned my name -- check) n-ts-n-ts-n-ts-n-ts
(What rhymes with 'izzo'? 'bizzo', 'cizzo', 'fizzo'...) n-ts-n-ts-n-ts-n-ts
(Maybe I know someone named Fizzo? Just check the old palm pilot real quick...)
n-ts-n-ts-n-ts-n-ts
(... and snake eyes; it skips from 'fisher' to 'fleischman')
n-ts-n-ts-n-ts-n-ts
"Said I'm J to the izzay, R to the izzo"
"I like gettin' busy, but I hated Frank Rizzo"
[b.1920-d.1990 -- Mayor of Philadelphia, police commissioner, cop, consummate campaigner, Frank patrolled the urban landscape with an iron fist...]

Join us for drinks this Wednesday after 8:30 pm to the izzay at:

The Cat & The Fiddle

6530 Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90028

Cross Street: Schrader

Big ups and peace out,
Jeremy... to the jackasso