WND theme park

A number of you have been asking, Why don't we ever have themed wnd's like "Casual Wnd," "Tiki Wnd" or movie-theme wnd? Well, we've tried it in the past with mixed results. Some turned out to be out-and-out failures; others out-and-out-and-out failures. Here's a sampling of our miscues:

"Bring Your Pet Skunk Wnd." I take full responsibility for this one, though to be fair I did insert a "J/K" and a series of winky faces at the end of the invite. ; ) ; ) ; ). I didn't realize that every skunk-owner on this email list was a complete idiot. Granted, you need to turn your head to the side to get it, but didn't it strike you as odd that I would randomly type semi-colons and close-parentheses at the end of an email?

"Boston Massacre Wnd." An unparalleled disaster. I still have nightmares. My sincerest apologies to my friend Crispus.

"D-Day Wnd." See above.

"Heroine Wnd" with the uncomfortable follow-up the next week: 

"The Trouble With Homonyms"

"Stalin Was Misunderstood; Let Me Explain"

and finally, "Fluorescent Light Party-Hearty Wnd." We thought the spacious and luminous Furniture Barn Outlet on Pico would be the perfect spot for drinks. I still can't figure out why everyone left so early. Jay can tell you that the complimentary magnifying glasses afforded him a fascinating up-close view of my pores.

I personally feel the whole theme thing has run its course. However, for those of you who insist on continuing this painful tradition, incapable of enjoying a drink without bells and whistles blaring in your ears, I urge you to become more involved in the selection process. I will be taking suggestions (grudgingly) this week from my usual barstool perch.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Saints & Sinners

10899 Venice Blvd
Culver City, CA 9003

Cross Street: Veteran

WND in our nation's capital

Put your hands together for the latest city to join the wnd family -- Washington D.C.! That's right: New York and Los Angeles were simply not enough to satisfy the teeming masses craving a place to go on Wednesday nights. Thanks to Margaret, a recent immigrant to our nation's capital, even more people will get the opportunity to master such skills as "ordering a drink," "carrying on a conversation" and "leaving" with the help of a highly-skilled professional. Our deep faith in Miss Margaret's ability stems from both her achievement on all 118 diagnostic tests we threw at her and her astonishing ability to complete our 5-mile obstacle course after only 47 attempts. Nice going, Madge.

Where to next, you ask? I suppose the obvious answer would be Boston or Chicago, but if you ask me, I'm holding out for Antigua.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Bar Marmont

8171 W Sunset Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90046

Cross Street: Crescent

Moving in WND

Wnd is moving...! Well, not really, but I'm moving. I'm getting kicked out of my current pad and need a new home asap. I've decided that instead of dealing with the hassle, I'm going to let everyone on the wnd list unite together as one in what I'm calling a "collective" to find the perfect apartment for Mr. Wonderful, Mr. You're-Welcome-For-Wnd-How-Empty-Your-Lives-Would-Be-Without-It, Mr. Lazy, me.

So, Collective: we'll divvy up the tasks in a moment, but basically, I'm looking for a 1-bedroom in the $7-$22/month range, although I can go a skosh higher, up to say $22.50. This will be handled my personal haggler who will keep that higher price on the d.l. until the landlord starts playing hardball. Other jobs include: 

-someone to check out a prospective neighborhood and in particular the local pizza joint to make sure the aftertaste on the root beer is up to snuff

-someone to carry me from my current digs to the new one in the style of the pieta

-someone to give me $7-$22/month

and much, much more. 

Email me your requests, but it's on a first-come basis. That means if you're desperate to be in charge of moving the heavy stuff, you better let me know right quick. Let's work together, let's enjoy being a part of something special and, most importantly, let's have some fun out there. I'm going to take a nap now -- wake me ONLY if you need me to sign the lease.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

The Gaslite

2030 Wilshire Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90403

Cross Street: 21st

Fear of WND

"Wednesday Night Drinks sounds fun and all, but the thing is: I'm not a drinker."

This comment is so misguided and offensive, I almost don't know where to begin. First of all, loser (yeah, the gloves are off), this is not some weekly frat party where guys do body shots, start bar fights and run around naked screaming about keggers. We're talking about Jeremy (a.k.a. "Mr. Two Beers a Night") and Jay (a.k.a. "Dr. Can I Get a Prune Juice Chaser With My Ovaltine?") This is a very well-mannered, well-bred collection of individuals, some of whom don't drink at all.

A bar is chosen each week because it's simply the natural meeting place for groups to socialize. If you can think of something more appropriate, speak up. In the early days, we experimented with alternative venues (libraries, Turkish baths), but they were always unmitigated disasters.

True: on the rare occasion, the friend-of-a-friend has turned out to be the town lush, but we're prepared for such a contingency -- we haul "Port-a-Drunkies" (Plexiglas cube prisons) to each venue for the very purpose of helping these poor souls dry off in a controlled, self-contained environment. It's also great fun to watch their comic attempts to claw their way out before they lose their balance and pass out. Really entertaining. So, to the God-fearing ascetics out there, I appeal to your sense of honor and decency and ask you to give wnd a fair shake. I promise you'll still have a good time even if you're too big a sissy to order a damn drink.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Lola's

945 N Fairfax Ave

Los Angeles, CA 90046

Cross Street: Romaine

WND regret

Whenever election time comes around, I invariably remember the biggest regret of my life: my complete inability to go back in time to cast a vote for the greatest president in our country's history -- Millard Fillmore. I don't really know much about him other than he was involved in some kind of compromise in 1850 that I can't remember the name of. It's his last words that have always resonated with me. After sipping some soup at dinner, he declared: "The nourishment is palatable" and promptly died. For that reason alone, I ask you to write in Millard Fillmore this November 7th for State Assembly District 17.

In addition, I implore you to ignore the negative, below-the-belt ads currently airing on TV about WND by "Friends of TAHDO (Thursday Afternoon Hors D'Oeuvres)" and "Concerned Citizens for TMJS (Tuesday Morning Juice & Scones)." We won't dignify the mud-slinging with a response, but merely point out that we're rubber and they're glue. And not the cool glue you used to eat in first grade. I'm talking the really nasty doesn't-come-off-your-skin kind.

Vote with your heart. Vote WND. Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

The Dime

442 N Fairfax Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90036
Cross Street: Oakwood

Do your WND duty

Some people are getting the word out about our weekly get-together and some aren't. I'm not simply talking about bringing friends along -- it goes much deeper than that. Ask yourself: What are you personally doing to incorporate the defining moment of your week more fully into your lives? We have one regular of wnd who has gone so far as to work for a magazine called "Windplayer" simply because of the obvious message within: "WiNDplayer."

You need to find your own way to express yourself. If you're pregnant, consider naming your child WeNDY, WaNDa or WeNDell. Not pregnant? Then get pregnant. Or go ahead and turn everyday, household accidents into opportunities: "Honey, I just can't figure out hoW I maNageD to stain my Wonderful New carDigan." Write angry letters to the alphabet lobby demanding they do away with the overtired "A,B,C" starting order and switch to "W,N,D." Such a fresh approach might just help cure our country's ballooning illiteracy problem. Think about it. Or better yet, ThWiNk aDoubt it.

Join us this WedNesDay after 8:30 at:

El Guapo Mexican Cantina

7250 Melrose Ave
Hollywood, CA 90046
Cross Street: Alta Vista

Everything louder than everything else WND

I'm pleased to announce that I attended my first Hollywood Bowl concert this weekend. In honor of that momentous occasion, I ask that for this wnd you pay homage to the bands who performed: Journey & Def Leppard.

Don't rush your decision. Do you really need to throw on that hilarious look-i've-only-got-one-arm gag t-shirt? Is it really worth the trouble of rolling into the bar on a giant wheel in the sky that keeps turning? Think simple. Just whisper in my ear "You're so sincere." (I am after all.) Or get two of your friends to dress up as 'confusion' and 'pain' and interpret the reality of being caught between them. If you're out of ideas, let the title of Def Leppard's latest album awaken the imagination bubbling inside. As memorable as "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" or "The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars," it captures the feeling better than any words of inspiration I could possibly offer: "Yeah!”

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Hop Louie

950 Mei Ling Way
Los Angeles, CA

Cross Street: N Hill

Plain and simple WND

I wish I had a more exciting excuse for the hiatus, but the truth is Jay and I were both out of town. Not flashy. Not sexy. Just the truth. If that's not good enough in this razzle-dazzle world, then so be it. I apologize, okay? I'm sorry it's not because of something more electrifying like an alien kidnapping or some ugly standoff with the federal government involving explosions. How about you view the world with "My Dinner With Andre" eyes instead of "Blade" eyes for, like, a second? Leave the action excitement your body so desperately craves every minute of your miserable life, and embrace the unspoiled goodness of the mundane. Hey, look: there it is. Pick it up. Wipe your face with it. Feels pretty refreshing, doesn't it? You're welcome.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

White Horse

1532 Western Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90027

Cross Street: Sunset

Part of every WND

To demonstrate just how out of touch I am, I was recently informed that the actual chorus to Kiss's "Rock And Roll All Night" is:

I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day

not

I wanna rock and roll all night and part of every day

I always thought it was kind of cool that these guys could rage so hard at night, but be mellow enough to set aside only a small portion of the following day to continue the horseplay. I was left to imagine how they spent the rest of their morning and afternoon. Cleaning up around the house? Scrapbooking? I didn't know, and it was the very not knowing that I found so compelling. Well, the mystery is now dead. I simply misheard the lyrics. How disappointing.

Join us for drinks for at least part of your night this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

The Brig

1515 Abbot Kinney Blvd
Venice Beach, CA 90291

Cross Street: Milwood

WNDNW

Everyone's always asking me, begging me to reveal my favorite palindrome. All right, here it is:

"Onions? No, I... no."

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Tiny's KO

6377 Hollywood Blvd
Hollywood, CA 90028
Cross Street: Cahuenga

Word up WND

The word-a-day emails I subscribe to just aren’t sticking in my brain. I’m told I have to use them to remember them, but how often do I come across a dude with a frigate who'll let me ask about his dunnage? Almost never. So I'm writing a novel. I call it "Chicks Dig Boustrophedon."  Here's an excerpt:

Chapter 2: "Desiccated, arid and sere: now that's dry"

"Are you oppugning that I am too much of a philatelist to appreciate your numismatic proclivities?" Thelonious asked Tiffany as they ambulated past the Zebra cage which smelled really terrible.
"You hurl aspersions at my avocation widdershins in a tourbillion of nonsense, a sempiternal effort to seem perspicacious. Plus, you rob banks." Tiffany opined like a motherfucker.
"Widdershins? WIDDERSHINS?!" Thelonious didn't like that at all. "I am no yegg and should be enskied as a god!" Thelonious had never been enskied at all, if you can believe it.
"Hear my maw burst with diapasons of frustration as my eyes scan your visage in a series of saccades that I hope will break me of my cathexis and resolve once and for all my chronic abulia about confronting you about the excess dunnage of your friggin' frigate!"
The zebra stood quietly. He had pretty stripes.

Pretty sweet. Or should I say pretty... sweet. (I don't have a fancy synonym for that one yet.)

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 to agglutinate yourself to a beer bottle, fellow autodidacts, at:

Birds

5925 Franklin Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90028

Cross Street: Tamarind

Insouciant when it comes to souciance,
Jeremy

WND without a posse (redux)

Looks like the "Posse" credit stays on the resume thanks to the industrious research of one Joey Peters. She located the following image online, proving once and for all that I was in it. Apparently, a different poster was used in Belgium or something (?). Anyway, the fact that Joey happens to be a professional graphic designer is completely irrelevant and not a sign whatsoever that she doctored the picture in any way, so all you conspiracy theorists can just settle down. To be honest, I'm hoping there aren't too many copies of this floating around; I look so incredibly tough, I fear I'll be typecast as the badass maverick when I have so much more to offer.

Saddle up for drinks with us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Three Of Clubs

1123 Vine St
Los Angeles, CA 90038
Cross Street: Santa Monica

WND without a posse

I give up. An entry has existed on my resume for years that must at long last be removed. The reason is simply that no one believes me, including the fine people at imdb. No joke: I worked on "Posse." You may remember the Mario Van Peebles epic that followed a group of black cowboys in the Wild West. You may then wonder how I could have possibly been involved. Perhaps it's the black part; perhaps it's the cowboy part. Whatever the reason, your lack of faith Is irrelevant.

I challenge you to dust off that collector's edition DVD you own and pop it in. Check out the campfire scene and savor the humming falsetto during the sing-along, the angelic warbling provided by yours truly... off-camera. I realize my upper register is more reminiscent of Leo Sayer than Marvin Gaye, but honestly, why would anybody make something like that up? To compensate for a lifelong obsession with Mario "MVP" Van Peebles who NEVER returns his calls? Hardly. In any event, I shall no longer try to associate myself with the film. The world is a sadder place.

Join us for drinks this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

James Beach

60 N Venice Blvd
Venice, CA 90291

Cross Street: Pacific

WND MD

I just got the lamest physical of my life. Before you file that neatly under "Who Cares,” hear me out. The doctor tested my hearing by whispering the number 66 and prompting me to repeat it back to him. He then proceeded to ask questions instead of checking things out for himself, like whether or not I had a hernia. Not that I'm jumping up and down to have the procedure done, but is he supposed to just take my word for it? I thought I'd check out his credentials, but his diploma was written in Cyrillic. That didn't really matter since most of the lettering had rubbed off. What I could make out was in a font that hasn't existed since the 14th century -- "Wingdings" would have looked more reassuring. I am unabashedly disgruntled, and refuse to pay for a damn make-up visit.

So here's your big chance to perform a proper physical on me this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Eat on Sunset

1448 N Gower St
Los Angeles, CA 90028

Cross Street: Sunset

WND gone wild

I recently attended "Erotica L.A." at the convention center to cheer on my friends, LJ and Meghan, as they danced. No, they didn't bring me up on stage like Courtney Cox in that Bruce Springsteen video. It was disappointing, but I suspect the erotica quotient in the hall would have spiked so uncontrollably that the crowd would have demanded unspeakable behavior from me on the spot. I am, however, prepared for such a contingency, having already narrowed down my possible porn names to Brock Heathen and Chuck Bawlz.

The most striking moment came when talking to a woman hawking her merchandise while a tape of her engaging in various acrobatic behavior played in the background. All I could think to say was that she looked much taller in person; it really wasn't much of an ice-breaker. Luckily, I soon met the love of my life (pictured), so it all worked out pretty nicely. 

(I'm the third one from the right.)

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Red Rock

8782 Sunset Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90069

Cross Street: Palm

WND record-breaker

Forget the fattest twins ever or that dude with the longest Fingernails. I've got the ultimate record for the Guinness Book:
"Most Friends on MySpace." I'm about to go over the top with an unprecedented...
100 friends!
The century, the c-note, el primo followed by a doublet of big salamis (if you cut out the middle and leave just the rinds). And it took me only 16 short months of emailing 50 complete strangers a day to do it.

I wish I knew what exactly is so remarkably amiable about me, but whatever it is, I've got the touch. Just the other day, I read about this topless teacher from Austin, found her MySpace page, requested her as a friend and boom -- "Mrs. H" and I are thick as thieves. And Oprah was so excited, she sent a personalized thank you, plus a discount on a subscription to O At Home. To be honest, I've never really had "friends" per se, so I'm a little nervous about how to behave. I'm hoping there's some pamphlet available. Anyway, I'll just sit tight and wait for the Guinness people to drop by. Should be any minute now.

Join Jay and Mr. Popular this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Formosa Cafe

7156 Santa Monica Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90046

Cross Street: Santa Monica

Color me WND

What do you know? Jay's engaged! To a girl. I didn't catch her name. Kate something. Anyway, what's really exciting is that they've chosen me to pick the color for their wedding. I have no idea why, but I’m psyched. I definitely want to go with a shade, not some tired one-word crap like Purple. And I condemn any pre-conceived nonsense like "Canary" Yellow or "Powder" Blue. I've got to reinvent the color palette just as Jay and Karen are reinventing their life palette. Here's what I've got so far:

"Tube Sock" Buff with Yellow Stripes

"Government Terror Alert ('Guarded')" Blue

"Slightly-Less-Aggravated-Sunburn-After-Rubbing-On-Ointment" Red

"That-Chair-In-My-Room-I-Had-Growing-Up-Which-I-Once-Stood-On-To-Grab-Something-Off-The-Top-Shelf-Of-My-Closet-Without-Realizing-That-I-Was-Crushing-This-New-45-I-Bought-Of-Quincy-Jones-Playing-'Stuff-Like-That'-A-Song-I-Really-Dug-As-A-Kid-So-Save-The-Jokes-Mr.-'My-Musical-Taste-Has-Always-Been-Super-Cool"-And-I-Can't-Imagine-How-Important-Whatever-I-Was-Looking-For-Could-Have-Been-If-It-Was-So-Completely-Out-Of-Reach-Like-It-Couldn't-Have-Been-A-Big-Bag-Of-Money-With-A-Dollar-Sign-Printed-On-It-Or-My-Living-Will" Beige-ish.

While I spend the better part of a year hammering this out, join me, Jay and Khalil for drinks this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Renee's Courtyard Cafe

522 Wilshire Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90401
Cross Street: 5th

See you there,
"Jeremy" Swarthy

Viva Las WND

Highlights from my very first trip to Las Vegas:

• Won $6 at a slot machine inside a Rite-Aid while waiting for my buddy to buy some Dramamine. I'm embarrassed to say that was only the first time I ever gambled in a pharmacy.
• Dined at a bistro called "Le Café" in the "Paris" casino and ordered a "Quesadilla."
• Saw George Wallace's stand-up show: "I Be Thinking." He said my mama's so fat she has an actual horse on her Polo shirt. I don't know if that's true, but my mental effort alone proves that I too now be thinking.
• Met a stripper who introduced herself as Yummy. I asked what her stripper name was, but received a blank stare.
• Feasted in Caesar's Palace at "Snackus Maximus." I never knew "Snack" came from a Latin root.
• Visited Hoover Dam which I learned was constructed in response to our crippling dependence on beavers for dam construction. It took a ton of manpower, but you don't hear beavers talking smack any more, so I for one applaud it.

Join us back in Los Angeles this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Coronet Pub

370 N La Cienega Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90048

Cross Street: Oakwood

WND beanpole

After witnessing the "Fiesta Bowl" become the "Doritos Fiesta Bowl," and "Astros Field" become "Minute Maid Park," I've decided to go with the flow and get me some of that sweet sammy sponsorship. I know what you're thinking, but as my friend Alistair points out, I'm not selling out: I'm just buying in.

My new name is officially:
Jeremy, as presented by Goya Black Beans™ rich and elegant for classic black bean soup™

Pretty good, right? And how about that double "tm" action? I never would've dreamed that I'd be considered elegant or classic or even soup-like. Sure, my resume now looks a bit busier, and having to re-do all the sewn-in nametags in my socks will be a major pain, but I'm stoked. The sponsor’s even cool with abbreviations like Goya, or Goya to the Double B, but ask me to refrain from Goy or Goy Toy for obvious reasons.

Join Jeremy, as presented by Goya Black Beans™ rich and elegant for classic black bean soup™ and Jay (sadly unsponsored) this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Roost

3100 Los Feliz Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90039

Cross Street: Edenhurst

WND with a capital "W"

"Wednesday's child is full of woe."

- Mother Goose

I not only take issue with this nonsense, I take umbrage. I must at long last call out Mother Goose and her bizarre anti-Wednesday smear campaign. In fact, her whole days-of-the-week rant is packed with absurd claims that are totally unsubstantiated.

"Monday's child is fair of face." I know a lot of dogs born on that day. Super ugly.
"Tuesday's child is full of grace." It's not grace they're full of, but she needed an easy rhyme.
"Thursday's child has far to go." A lot of them have nowhere to be.
"Friday's child is loving and giving." Only when they want something, you gullible feather-head.
"Saturday’s child works hard for a living." On the weekend? I’m not buying it.
"But the child born on Sabbath Day [ed. apparently M.G. was unfamiliar with the Jewish population] is fair and wise and good and gay." Um... I'll just leave that one alone.

Why does this damn goose woman hurl her only unambiguous vitriol of the week on my day and no ones else's? Yeah, I was born on a Wednesday. What of it? I'm full of many wonderful things that couldn't be less woeful. I won't go into detail here, but am happy to provide anyone with a complete inventory on request. Did she meet some depressive and decide that was a representative sampling? How about a little scientific integrity, lady? You're lazy!
"Mother Goose's child is a lazy loser!" You like that?! How does that feel?!
Wednesday's Child is totally awesome and kicks major ass.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

The Spanish Kitchen

826 N La Cienega Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90069

Cross Street: Melrose

WND nuh-huh

From the sacred, national landmark that is imdb.com:

Memorable Quotes from "What's Happening!!" (1976)
[From episode: "From Here to Maternity"]
Mama: You gonna feed it?
Dwayne Nelson: Uh-Huh.
Mama: And burp it?
Dwayne Nelson: Uh-Huh.
Mama: And change it?
Dwayne Nelson: NUH-HUH!

Join us for drinks this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Liquid Kitty

11780 West Pico Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90064

Cross Street: Barrington

Ignore your cardiologist WND

A lot of people ask me how I stay so thin. Exercise? Take care of myself? Lucky genes? Guess no more, for my treasured secret is finally out. The Gateway Grizzlies, a minor league baseball team in Illinois, just co-opted my daily regimen for its latest concession -- "Baseball's Best Burger." Here's its official description:

"The ballpark sandwich will include a hamburger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon -- all between a "bun" made of a sliced Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut. [The team's general manager/gourmand], who has said he has eaten at least 10 of the new creations as part of a "sampling process," said the team hopes to sell 100 to 200 of them a night at $4.50 each. He calls it a bargain, considering it is a meal and a dessert in one."

I know what you're thinking: it looks healthy and it sounds healthy, but does it taste good? Trust me: this baby actually melts in your mouth before exploding your heart into a thousand points of delicious aorta. Yummy.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 as part of your own "sampling process" at:

Burgundy Room

1621 1/2 Cahuenga Blvd

Los Angeles, CA 90028

Cross Street: Selma

and then in honor of the double-dip, at 10:00 (once it opens), we're heading to:

Hollywood Social Club

1651 Wilcox Ave
Hollywood, CA 90028

Cross Street: Hollywood

Drippy WND

It might be because this past weekend was the anniversary of my bar-mitzvah (thanks for all your cards by the way), but I suddenly found clarity with a long-standing conundrum. Back in 12th grade, my classmate, Brian, chose the following Steve Miller lyric as his quote for his yearbook page:

"Everything's better when wet."

At the time, I was just certain that couldn't be right. I mean, everything? Come on. But for the life of me, I couldn't come up with a single thing to disprove it, so I kept quiet. Until now. Read it and weep, Brian:

Socks.

I'll skip the forced segue involving Wetness and Drinks and Wednesday and you, and just invite you to join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

The Bowery

6268 Sunset Blvd
Hollywood, CA 90028

Cross Street: Vine

WND word to the wise

I just don't make small talk with people who are irrelevant.
-- Elvis Costello

I'm not suggesting Mr. Costello will necessarily be at drinks this or any other week, but just in case he ever drops by, treat this quote as a gentle warning. If you feel compelled to rap with the guy about things like the weather or some movie you like, make sure you communicate personal relevance. I cannot emphasize this enough.

Join us for drinks this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

The Other Room

1201 Abbott Kinney Blvd
Venice, CA 90292

Cross Street: San Juan

Big-hair WND

Truants of the world, celebrate. My musical, "Rock Of Ages," has been extended! You have another chance to rock out with your bad selves and selvettes. It's even going to be at an exciting new space you can read all about at www.rockofagesmusical.com. Ticket info's there too.

The dates are March 2nd-18th, but NOTE WELL: I will personally be out of town the 2nd-7th. That gives you the awesome opportunity to see the show twice: once without me in it, and once with.

How sweet is that, you ask?

Almost as sweet as seeing me on "Grey's Anatomy" next Sunday night...

But totally lacking the nectar sweetness of joining Jay and me for drinks this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Tom Bergin's Tavern

840 S Fairfax Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90036
Cross Street: Del Valle

See you there, sweetness.

P.S. some bonus fun for you:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3862127338788105444&q=matrix+ping+pong

CC: WND

Not only did we have an incredible opening night for Rock Of Ages last night, but I also got the opportunity to rap with C.C. DeVille, lead guitarist of Poison (no joke). As we chatted after the show, I was astonished to learn how identical our early twenties were. While he was rocking out in his first major band (Lace), I was tearing it up at the high school talent show with my own band (Shalom); as he moved on (Roxx Regime), I too found greater artistic freedom in a little college band you may have heard of (The Mellow Tubes); and while he went on to immerse himself in sex, drugs and rock and roll, I proceeded to catch every episode of "Charles In Charge." It's eerie, right? We're pretty much the same guy, so from now on, call me "C.C." Or "B.C.C" if you want to keep it on the dl.

Join Jay and me this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

The Good Luck Bar

1514 Hillhurst Ave
Los Feliz, CA 90027
Cross Street: Hollywood

Don't Stop WNDin'

Yes, there's wnd this week, but before we get to that . . .

I'm in a gi-normously fantastic-alacious show that is so unbelievably hot, you might just pass out and wind up in the hospital dead. Dead I say. (Do I know how to sell a show or what?) It's called "Rock of Ages" -- a rock musical that depicts Hollywood in 1986, dominated by big chords, big dreams and big hair.

Buy tickets immediately at www.rockofagesmusical.com. You can also read more about it and see how smokin' hot I look in my skimpy stripper's outfit. Yowser.

(If you're in the show, don't tell the others about how un-hot I look as the mayor -- I'm just trying to get them to the site. It's called marketing, people. Wake up.)

Join Jay and me this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Rainbow Bar & Grill

9015 W Sunset Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90069
Cross Street: Hammond

Rock on.

What's a Rose Bowl, WND?

Did you guys know there was this football game going on last week during WND? It's true. And we picked a sports bar. Pretty bright. I guess the only thing smarter would've been to pick an Irish Pub on St. Patrick's Day. Or Moishe's Mosh Pit on Tu B'Shevat. Or on Arbor Day to pick a... tree... bar. Or on Flag Day to... you get the point. Or maybe you don't. How about you all go through every big event in the calendar year and assign the most inappropriate place to have drinks? Then, ask yourself why you have all that time to spend on such a meaningless activity. Then take a nap, because you're gonna be pretty tired.

All apologies, but kudos to all of you who came out for a drink. Join Jay and me this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Red Lion Tavern

2366 Glendale Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90039
Cross Street: Brier

Fingers crossed, there's no holiday coming up involving colored lions.

WoNeD

Happy New Year! But more importantly, Happy 1st Anniversary!

That's right: exactly a year ago, January 4th, 2005, your life was forever changed by my move to Los Angeles. And what do you know: the 4th is on a Wednesday this year.

Perhaps now would be a good time to reflect on all the many ways that my closer proximity has improved your life, either directly or indirectly. Perhaps such contemplation will move you to buy me a beer, or food, or things. Lord knows I need more stuff -- lots and lots of stuff.

Join Jay and me this Wednesday after 9:00 at:

Barney's Beanery

8447 Santa Monica Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90036
Cross Street: La Cienega