WND MD

I just got the lamest physical of my life. Before you file that neatly under "Who Cares,” hear me out. The doctor tested my hearing by whispering the number 66 and prompting me to repeat it back to him. He then proceeded to ask questions instead of checking things out for himself, like whether or not I had a hernia. Not that I'm jumping up and down to have the procedure done, but is he supposed to just take my word for it? I thought I'd check out his credentials, but his diploma was written in Cyrillic. That didn't really matter since most of the lettering had rubbed off. What I could make out was in a font that hasn't existed since the 14th century -- "Wingdings" would have looked more reassuring. I am unabashedly disgruntled, and refuse to pay for a damn make-up visit.

So here's your big chance to perform a proper physical on me this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Eat on Sunset

1448 N Gower St
Los Angeles, CA 90028

Cross Street: Sunset

WND gone wild

I recently attended "Erotica L.A." at the convention center to cheer on my friends, LJ and Meghan, as they danced. No, they didn't bring me up on stage like Courtney Cox in that Bruce Springsteen video. It was disappointing, but I suspect the erotica quotient in the hall would have spiked so uncontrollably that the crowd would have demanded unspeakable behavior from me on the spot. I am, however, prepared for such a contingency, having already narrowed down my possible porn names to Brock Heathen and Chuck Bawlz.

The most striking moment came when talking to a woman hawking her merchandise while a tape of her engaging in various acrobatic behavior played in the background. All I could think to say was that she looked much taller in person; it really wasn't much of an ice-breaker. Luckily, I soon met the love of my life (pictured), so it all worked out pretty nicely. 

(I'm the third one from the right.)

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Red Rock

8782 Sunset Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90069

Cross Street: Palm