WND in our nation's capital

Put your hands together for the latest city to join the wnd family -- Washington D.C.! That's right: New York and Los Angeles were simply not enough to satisfy the teeming masses craving a place to go on Wednesday nights. Thanks to Margaret, a recent immigrant to our nation's capital, even more people will get the opportunity to master such skills as "ordering a drink," "carrying on a conversation" and "leaving" with the help of a highly-skilled professional. Our deep faith in Miss Margaret's ability stems from both her achievement on all 118 diagnostic tests we threw at her and her astonishing ability to complete our 5-mile obstacle course after only 47 attempts. Nice going, Madge.

Where to next, you ask? I suppose the obvious answer would be Boston or Chicago, but if you ask me, I'm holding out for Antigua.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Bar Marmont

8171 W Sunset Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90046

Cross Street: Crescent

Moving in WND

Wnd is moving...! Well, not really, but I'm moving. I'm getting kicked out of my current pad and need a new home asap. I've decided that instead of dealing with the hassle, I'm going to let everyone on the wnd list unite together as one in what I'm calling a "collective" to find the perfect apartment for Mr. Wonderful, Mr. You're-Welcome-For-Wnd-How-Empty-Your-Lives-Would-Be-Without-It, Mr. Lazy, me.

So, Collective: we'll divvy up the tasks in a moment, but basically, I'm looking for a 1-bedroom in the $7-$22/month range, although I can go a skosh higher, up to say $22.50. This will be handled my personal haggler who will keep that higher price on the d.l. until the landlord starts playing hardball. Other jobs include: 

-someone to check out a prospective neighborhood and in particular the local pizza joint to make sure the aftertaste on the root beer is up to snuff

-someone to carry me from my current digs to the new one in the style of the pieta

-someone to give me $7-$22/month

and much, much more. 

Email me your requests, but it's on a first-come basis. That means if you're desperate to be in charge of moving the heavy stuff, you better let me know right quick. Let's work together, let's enjoy being a part of something special and, most importantly, let's have some fun out there. I'm going to take a nap now -- wake me ONLY if you need me to sign the lease.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

The Gaslite

2030 Wilshire Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90403

Cross Street: 21st

Fear of WND

"Wednesday Night Drinks sounds fun and all, but the thing is: I'm not a drinker."

This comment is so misguided and offensive, I almost don't know where to begin. First of all, loser (yeah, the gloves are off), this is not some weekly frat party where guys do body shots, start bar fights and run around naked screaming about keggers. We're talking about Jeremy (a.k.a. "Mr. Two Beers a Night") and Jay (a.k.a. "Dr. Can I Get a Prune Juice Chaser With My Ovaltine?") This is a very well-mannered, well-bred collection of individuals, some of whom don't drink at all.

A bar is chosen each week because it's simply the natural meeting place for groups to socialize. If you can think of something more appropriate, speak up. In the early days, we experimented with alternative venues (libraries, Turkish baths), but they were always unmitigated disasters.

True: on the rare occasion, the friend-of-a-friend has turned out to be the town lush, but we're prepared for such a contingency -- we haul "Port-a-Drunkies" (Plexiglas cube prisons) to each venue for the very purpose of helping these poor souls dry off in a controlled, self-contained environment. It's also great fun to watch their comic attempts to claw their way out before they lose their balance and pass out. Really entertaining. So, to the God-fearing ascetics out there, I appeal to your sense of honor and decency and ask you to give wnd a fair shake. I promise you'll still have a good time even if you're too big a sissy to order a damn drink.

Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

Lola's

945 N Fairfax Ave

Los Angeles, CA 90046

Cross Street: Romaine

WND regret

Whenever election time comes around, I invariably remember the biggest regret of my life: my complete inability to go back in time to cast a vote for the greatest president in our country's history -- Millard Fillmore. I don't really know much about him other than he was involved in some kind of compromise in 1850 that I can't remember the name of. It's his last words that have always resonated with me. After sipping some soup at dinner, he declared: "The nourishment is palatable" and promptly died. For that reason alone, I ask you to write in Millard Fillmore this November 7th for State Assembly District 17.

In addition, I implore you to ignore the negative, below-the-belt ads currently airing on TV about WND by "Friends of TAHDO (Thursday Afternoon Hors D'Oeuvres)" and "Concerned Citizens for TMJS (Tuesday Morning Juice & Scones)." We won't dignify the mud-slinging with a response, but merely point out that we're rubber and they're glue. And not the cool glue you used to eat in first grade. I'm talking the really nasty doesn't-come-off-your-skin kind.

Vote with your heart. Vote WND. Join us this Wednesday after 8:30 at:

The Dime

442 N Fairfax Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90036
Cross Street: Oakwood